As I reflect on the last eight
years, I’ve been able to identify 3 major exchanges that God has worked in me.
As a Christian in brokenness and repentance, I was experiencing God hand of
discipline and in that time, I found my hope was lost, because of what I had
put my trust into. Those false idols were eradicated out of my life. Through
God’s disciplining hand, I recognize that the very encounter of God that I
prayed for in the times that I perceived as “good” spiritually, had now
happened. And it wasn’t the encounter I had ever thought it would be. Yet
through God’s disciplining hand, I recognized his assuring love. Never before
had the word’s found in Hebrews 12:5,6 been so personally, and profoundly
comforting in all my times of reading and studying. It says. “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him. For
the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he
receives.”
The three exchanges were as follows:
1. God
exchanged my self centeredness for a God-centeredness.
2. God
exchanged my self determination, for God’s sovereignty.
3. God exchanged
my sweetness for Christ’s righteousness.
Let me
explain each of these parts.
1.
God exchanged my self centeredness for a God-centeredness.
As a
young Christian, I grew up in the era when the identity of Christ
and search for significance resources began to permeate the Church at large.
While there are good nuggets of truth that of that lend itself to the truth of
our justification and sanctification process, the deception within my own I
heart began to exalt my own self importance. The great exchange within my life
started with the humbling of my own reputation. I sincerely wished for God to
use me for exalting his name. But over time I failed to remember that God is
not “served by human hands, as though he needed anything” (Acts 17;25).
This truth included the realization that while God had gifted me with
leadership skills and the ability to encourage, teach and care for people, He
didn’t need them. I offered my life and career path to seek first His kingdom.
God reminded me, me didn’t need me. It is the simple truth God is God and I was
not. Today, not only do I proclaim, that, but I am able to rest in it like
never before.
2.
God exchanged my self determination for God’s sovereignty.
I’ve always had tenacity in my work ethic. I never gave up
and I rarely said I can’t. I was awarded for having such attitudes in school.
After all, I was at a disadvantage in life. I was born with a mild form of
cerebral palsy. But I never let that stop me from achieving what I wanted. As a
young man I devoured all the leadership and self help books I could hoping that
somewhere in there, I’d find the secret to fulfilling God’s specific will in my
life. I always wanted to achieve the very full potential that I had and that
others saw in me.
But closing doors became the way that God guided me, I
needed to recognize the truth in Proverbs 16:9 that “The heart of man
plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” in a very different manner
than what I had heard in preaching. I learned that sometimes my plans are not
God’s plans. Like Jonah, there was no alternative. God’s plan was going to prevail.
As I grew in a more complete view, theologically, of God’s sovereignty and
providence, I learned that I wasn’t in control, no matter how much I thought I was.
No matter how much I purposed or acted like it- I wasn’t. I had to give up my efforts
of tenacity (he designed that in me for something different), and my plans for
the future (no matter how good, they weren’t God’s).
3.
God exchanged my sweetness for Christ’s
righteousness.
I’ve always been the nice guy. The “so sweet” guy. Got a
long with most everybody and everybody liked me. Or so I thought. No amount of
my nice guy personality was going to excuse my sin against a holy God. Father
God made sure of it in his disciplining of me. I had been playing with fire for
too long and I was burning up (see Proverbs 6:27, 28). My heart was beginning to become callous to
the conviction of the Holy Spirit. I was unresponsive to God’s word. But
outwardly still the sweet guy.
I praise God he didn’t leave me on the road that I was
traveling on. Like Paul on the road to
Damascus, he
blocked my path, got my attention, disciplined me, called me to repentance and
put me in an extended time of reflection to realize my need for a Savior to be
my substitute. Because Christ is my substitute, I
don’t live off of the “nice guy” reputation. Jesus
is the reason for who I am and how I’ve changed. Not myself.
These three exchanges were nothing short
a miracle of God working in my life. It was the growth and revival that I prayed
for in seemingly good times in my walk. Yet it came in the most painful manner.
I pray that these truths may encourage anyone who sees them to let God give the
great exchange in your life for God’s glory and your own joy.