When You Need To Forgive Others

When You Need To Forgive Others

The Reading of God’s Word

Matt 6:7-15

 "And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.  Pray then like this:

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.Your kingdom come,  your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly  Father will also forgive you,  but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Col 3:12-14

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Let’s Pray

It is with humble hearts, Father, that we hear your word today. Could you take this message and knit it within our hearts to allow us to be different in our dealings with people? Lord I submit to you as ther giver of your message and I declare that apart from you, I can do nothing. Anoint your Word to pierce our hearts that we might experience your healing grace. May your Word go forward and heal relationship, heal bitterness and heal hurt people. Just as we have experienced the forgiveness of deep sin and shame of sin  may the wells of your grace overflow in our hearts towards others and freely give forgiveness to those who have hurt us. We pray these things in Jesus name, Amen

Warm up

You may be seated. I’ve included notes for you to use and follow along in your bulletin. Today, we are continuing  the theme of forgiveness as we looked at last week when we need to be forgiven in our life. We looked at  what God does with our sins, how he takes away our sin, far away. We saw the picture of the scapegoat who has the sins of Israel declared over it and then sent into the wilderness to be lost. Literally that is what happens when Christ bore our sins on the cross and took them away. As far as the east is from the west he takes our sins away! We looked at God’s word in 1 John that says that if we confess our sins God is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins. I encouraged you to take a look at your sins in a sober manner, where we are honest about our sins and recognize its seriousness and are to develop a humble lifestyle and evaluate our lives for our sins, personally and to truly rely on the character of God and trust in his forgiving us through Christ.

Introduction

Today, I want us to remember that message and the gratefulness and worshipful heart we are to have in response to His grace in our lives and to  look at the flip side of the coin of forgiveness and that is: When You Need To Forgive Other. The reason I want you to remember that is because the key to forgiveness is found in the Colossians passage God tells each and everyone of us… forgive others as God forgave you.

Today I want us to look at when we need to really forgiving others… What is it?

Before we do that I want us to take a little test. Five questions, right or wrong, true or false. This is not a thing you're going to be graded on and I give you permission to cross out yours and put in the right answer. Write down, true or false, what you believe about these statements.

Forgiveness quiz

1. A person should not be forgiven until he asks for it. True or false.

2. Forgiveness includes minimizing the offense and minimizing the pain

cause. True or false

3. Forgiveness includes restoring trust and reuniting a relationship. True or false.

4. You haven't really forgiven until you've forgotten the offense. True or false.

5. When I see someone else hurt, it is my duty to forgive the offender. True or false.

If you were to take the word of God and you were to particularly read through the Gospels and read what Jesus said about forgiveness, you would come to the conclusion  that all five of these statements are false. Let’s clear up any misunderstanding

The Bible says there are five things that forgiveness is not.

1. Forgiveness is not conditional.

In other words, based on some kind of condition. In fact ,the Bible says the exact opposite. The Bible says that real forgiveness, genuine forgiveness is unconditional. It is not something you earn. It is not something you deserve. It is not something you buy or bargain for. It is not something you get as part of a bargain if you promise to never do it again. It is unconditional. When you tell the person, "I will forgive you if..." that's not forgiveness. You're bargaining, not forgiving. Genuine forgiveness is unconditional. It's offered even if it's not asked for.

When Jesus hung on the cross, He prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." At

that point, nobody had asked for forgiveness. Certainly nobody deserved it. Nobody had bargained or bartered for it. It was an unconditional offer of pardon. "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Genuine forgiveness is unconditional.

2. It isn't minimizing the seriousness of the offense.

Real forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense. It's not saying, "It's no big deal. It really didn't hurt. Don't worry about it. It didn't hurt me that bad." The truth is, if it's worth forgiving, it did hurt you. It did cause pain and you don't need to minimize it because that's not a part of forgiveness. Forgiveness is saying, "Yes, it did hurt. Yes, it did cause pain in my life. But I'm going to let it go. I'm not going to hold it against you."

            Sadly there is the case of a murder- suicide of a newly wed couple up the river in the Nodine area. If I were to stand up and say to the families  "I proclaim you forgiven! It's no big deal. It's not a big issue. It's wasn't such a bad thing." And I minimize it. That is not forgiveness. That's insanity! It was a big deal.

·         So forgiving isn't saying it didn't hurt when it did or it's no big deal when it was a big deal.

·         You need to understand that there's a difference between being wronged and being wounded.

·         Wounds are unintentional. Wrongs are intentional.

You're wounded all the time by people accidentally. Do people say things that hurt you that they didn't mean to say? Sure. Do people do things that hurt you that they didn't mean to do? Sure. Those do not require forgiveness. What they require is acceptance, recognizing that we live in a fallen world, an imperfect environment, people are going to hurt you many times unintentionally.

Forgiveness needs to be reserved for the big stuff, for the serious things, for the things that are intentionally hurtful, people mean you harm -- that's what you reserve forgiveness for.

• Let's say you don't like the way I dress. And maybe the way I dress offends your fashion sensibilities. I don't need your forgiveness. I need your acceptance.
• On the other hand if someone hurts you intentionally, you've been seriously wronged, that's what you need to forgive.

Whenever you minimize a wrong and say, "It's no big deal!" you cheapen forgiveness. Reserve forgiveness for the serious things.

3. Forgiveness is not resuming a relationship without change.

Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. They're two different issues. Forgiveness is not the same thing as rebuilding or restoring a relationship. Forgiveness is instant, but trust has to be rebuilt over time. There's a big difference between forgiving a person and trusting a person. Forgiveness simply takes care of the damage, it's letting the person off the hook. But it does not guarantee that the future relationship is going to be right. Those are other issues.

It takes more than forgiveness for reconciliation. Three other things. If you want to have a restored relationship with someone, first comes forgiveness -- that's your part if you've been hurt. But on their part it takes three other things:

1) repentance, demonstrating genuine repentance

2) restitution where and when possible

3) rebuilding trust. Rebuilding trust takes time.

In a relationship that has been harmed or damaged, if you've been hurt, forgiveness is the part you do. But they have to show some other things to show that repentance and restoration has taken place.

For instance,

·         if you have been in a relationship where you were married to an alcoholic, abusive spouse and they really hurt you repeatedly over and over, and that person comes home and says, "I'm sorry will you forgive me," you say, "Yes, I forgive you" because God commands you to forgive. Forgiveness is instant.

·         But if they say, "Now, will you let me back in the house" you say, "That's a different issue. We need to have some progress here first. You need to get some counseling. You need to develop a track record to show there's some genuine change."

While forgiveness is based on grace, trust is earned. Big difference. If somebody offends you over and over and repeatedly in the same way continues to hurt you, you are called by God to repeatedly forgive them over and over. But you are not obligated to instantly trust them and act like everything's fine and they can come home and things go on as they have in the past. It isn't resuming a relationship without change.

4. Real forgiveness is not forgetting what happened.

Some of you have a hard time with forgiving because you think, "I can never forget it and if I forgive I'll have to start the relationship again." No, that's not true.

Forgiveness is not forgetting what happened. I know you've heard this cliche because it's very popular in America -- forgive and forget. That's so sweet and nice! There's only one problem with that. You can't do it. It doesn't work. It's impossible for you to forget everything that's happened. The more painful something is, the less likely it is that you're going to forget it.

Think about the logic of it. It is impossible to try to forget something. "Have you forgotten it?" -- "I'm trying!" The whole time you're trying, what are you focusing on? What you can't forget. You cannot forget something by trying to forget it. It doesn't work that way. The only way you forget something is by replacing it with something else.

You don't really forget anything. It's there. Some of you think that's the ultimate of Christian maturity. When am I going to get to the point that I'm so grown up in Christ that I forget the painful things in my life? When am I going to be so mature that I forget the things I feel guilty over and the thing that other people have done to me? The truth is, you may never forget them. But there's something better than forgetting. What?

PREACH:

Remembering but not feeling the pain. Remember, but seeing how God worked in it anyway. Remembering, and seeing how God brought good out of bad, how you grew in character, how it made you sensitive to the hurts and needs of other people, how it changed the direction at a crucial point in your life, how things you have today would have not happened if it hadn't been for that event. There's something far better than forgetting.

It's remembering and realizing the sovereign grace of God is working as in Romans 8:28 "... all things together for good." That's even better. Because when I forget something, I don't thank God or praise God. When I remember something and I remember what God has done in spite of that, then I really thank God and I praise God. So forgiveness is not forgetting, because you probably never will forget it.

5. Forgiveness isn't my right when I wasn't the one that was hurt.

This is the exact opposite of what culture teaches, because everything in culture says run around forgiving everybody because we're afraid somebody might somewhere feel guilty. Let's get rid of the guilt as quickly as possible by just offering a blanket forgiveness. We offer forgiveness for things we didn't do to people we don't even know.

Only the victim can pronounce forgiveness to the person who has offended them. If you weren't hurt, it's not your place to proclaim the forgiveness.

For instance,

·         one time in Washington D.C. a leader held up a picture of convicted Oklahoma bomber Timothy McVey and said, "I have forgiven this man and you need to too." The only problem was, he didn't have the right to do that. Timothy McVey had not offended him. It was the parents and the relatives of the people who were killed in the Oklahoma bomb explosion that have the place to offer forgiveness to that offender.

If anybody could just forgive anybody there'd be no reason for jails. Somebody would say, "You're all forgiven so you don't need to serve any time." There's a big difference. Forgiveness is not my right if I'm not the one hurt. Many people don't understand that forgiveness does not remove the consequences of sin. When Carla Faye Tucker who killed people with an ax, gave her life to Christ in prison and asked Jesus Christ to forgive her. And she even asked the people to forgive her who she had hurt through those murders. But that did not let her out of prison. There were still consequences.

            A person who leaves his wife/husband and children and has an affair and breaks up a marriage, and then later comes and says, "God, please forgive me. I know that was stupid. It was selfish. I shouldn't have done it. It was wrong." They are instantly forgiven by Jesus Christ, but that does not remove the scars that come from breaking up a home -- scars on the children, scars on both spouses, and all the others. There are consequences.

            Real forgiveness is not some cheap term you just throw out and instantly everybody feels better. It is reserved for serious sins and it is reserved for the person of whom they were committed against. That's not real forgiveness.

WHAT IS REAL FORGIVENESS? The Bible says real forgiveness is four things.

1. REMEMBERING HOW MUCH I'VE BEEN FORGIVEN.

            Remembering how much I've already been forgiven, how much grace I've received from Christ.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

ESV

." Circle "in Christ". You're not forgiven because you earned it. You're not forgiven because you deserved it. You're not forgiven because you've promised never to sin again. You're forgiven because you've put your faith in Christ.

             This is the starting point for genuine forgiveness. If you don't feel forgiven you don't want to forgive anybody else. You don't want them to feel it, that's for sure. If you're hard on yourself, you're going to be hard on others.

            But the more grace you receive from God the more gracious you're going to be to others. The more forgiven you feel by God, the more forgiving you're going to tend to be toward others.  It starts with remembering how much I've been forgiven. All of us have been forgiven a lot.

2. RELINQUISHING MY RIGHT TO GET EVEN

            That's the heart of genuine forgiveness -- relinquishing my right to get even.

Rom 12:19-20

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."

·         Notice He says don't try to get even, don't try to retaliate, don't seek revenge. Leave that up to God. You say, "If I forgive them that means I give up all my right to get even." That's exactly what forgiveness is. You give up your right to get even. You absorb the pain yourself without having to retaliate.

·         "But that's unfair!" Who said forgiveness is fair? There's a word for fairness. It's called justice. Justice is fair. Forgiveness is grace. You don't deserve forgiveness. You deserve justice. Aren't you glad God doesn't give you everything you deserve? None of us would be here if that were true. We always want justice in everybody else's life. But we don't want it in our own. God is gracious to us and He wants us to be gracious to others.

·         So you say you give up your right to get even. Why? God says: “He will repay" Life is not fair but one day God's going to settle the score. One day God is going to close the books. He's going to balance the ledger. He's going to even the odds. He's going to right the wrongs that we see. Sometimes you do see justice in this world but there's a lot of times you don't see justice. God is the God of justice and He's going to even the score one day.

           

            He says, "I'm going to even the score so leave it in My hands." Who can get better justice, you or God? Who can do a better job? Who can do a better job for divvying out payment for justice do. He says, "Let Me handle it. Let Me be the person to do that. You just relax and in the meantime let Me fill you with My grace and let Me put your heart at peace." When you're holding onto a hurt, you're only hurting yourself. So you relinquish the right to get even.

3. RESPONDING TO EVIL WITH GOOD

            Genuine forgiveness is responding to evil with good.

Luke 6:27-28

 "But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,  28  bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.”

·         How can you tell when you've really released somebody? How can you tell when you've genuinely forgiven them? You can pray for God to bless them.

            When you come to the point when you can actually pray, "Bless that person who hurt me," you'll know forgiveness is complete in your heart. When you can look at their hurt and not just your own.

            Hurt people hurt people. We hurt other people because we're hurting ourselves. If somebody hurts you, it's most likely they're hurting on the inside. When you have genuinely forgiven a person, you can look past the ways that they've hurt you and see how they're hurting and how that hurt is part of the reason they've chosen to hurt you. Out of their hurt, they begin to hurt others.

            When you can look at their hurt, you know you've genuinely forgiven them.

PREACH

When you can pray for God to bless them, when you can do good to those that hate you, when you can bless those who curse you, you're responding to evil with good. You say, "How could I ever do that? That's impossible. I couldn't do that to that person who's hurt me." You can't unless you do one thing. Allow the love of God to penetrate every fiber ofyour life. Only the love of God could cause you to do something like that.

Talking about love in 1 Cor

1 Cor 13:5

“It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; “

·         In the Greek it means it does not keep a record of wrongs. When hurt people harm others normally they get historical- they bring up every past wrong  in an argument, they haven’t forgiven.

            The Bible says when I do it, I'm being hateful. I'm not doing it in love. "Love keeps no record of wrongs." That doesn't mean you forget the wrongs. It just means you don't use them as ammunition. It means you don't pull them out and use them to retaliate.

            What most of us like to do is forgive a hurt but we want to hold onto it too and stockpile it. Later on if we do something wrong and get accused and they say "You did this," then we can say, "But you did this!" The Bible says when you do that you're being hateful. Because love keeps no record of wrongs.

There's a fourth thing that's a part of genuine forgiveness. It's not just remembering how much I've been forgiven and relinquishing my right to get even and responding to evil with good but also...

4. REPEATING THE PROCESS AS LONG AS NECESSARY

You do these things over and over. Forgiveness is not a one shot event. How long do you haveto keep forgiving a person? You do it as long as the feeling of revenge keeps coming back. Peter asked that question of Jesus.

Matt 18:21-22

 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"

·         Peter's thinking he's being really generous  here. The Jewish law said you had to forgive a person three times. He doubles it and throws one in for good measure.

Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

            The point is -- for infinity. For as long as it takes. Until you let it go. You have to keep forgiving that person until the pain stops and the desire to get revenge goes away. You know you can come to the service or you can pray in a quiet time and say, "Dear Jesus, I know this bitterness is bad for me. I know I need to forgive them. Lord, I forgive that person," and five minutes later you want to kill them again. You have to say it again. When the memory comes back, you say it again. Again and again. You just keep doing it until the pain goes away. If they really hurt you it's going to take more than once. Because the memory is going to keep coming back. You have to repeat the process as long as necessary. It's got to be continual. It's a process.

You might actually need to tell that person you forgive them. Or you may need to write a letter and tell them that by God’s strength you are going to let the hurt go. Then you shred that letter. Get advise from a mature Christian on the process that may be needed in your situation. The elders can recommend a professionally licensed Christian Counselor who sees her work as a ministry of the Lord.. Talk to one of us and we’ll connect you.

Well When you need to forgive why do you offer forgiveness to others?

You ought to do it for three reasons, that's why.

1. I need to be gracious to others, to forgive others who've hurt me because God has been gracious to me.

Who are we that experience God’s grace, to hold a grudge against someone? Don’t think of yourself so highly or your sin so minor compared to others.

            He is gracious on a moment by moment basis. If you can't forgive, you need to pause a minute and realize how much God has forgiven you. You will never have to forgive anyone else more than Jesus Christ has already forgiven you. Not a chance. You will never have to forgive anyone more than God has already forgiven you. Maybe what you need to do is stop for a minute and consider that you haven't always gotten what you deserved either. God has been gracious with you. And the Bible says because we've been forgiven by Christ we're compelled to forgive those who hurt us.

2. Because the alternative is bitterness.

            Scientists tell us that the most unhealthy emotion there is, is the emotion of resentment. It always hurts you more than anybody else. It's like taking cancer or fire into your heart. It's going to eat you up.

            You always hurt yourself more with bitterness, more than you do the other person. While you're stewing, while you're fretting, while you're resenting, while you're thinking of retaliation, revenge, while you are rehearsing the pain over and over in your mind, they go on their merry way totally oblivious. They've dropped it. You're not hurting anybody but yourself with your resentment.

The Bible says that in the book of Job. "You're only hurting yourself with your anger."

            Resentment will not change the past, no matter how much you resent it won't change the past. And resentment will not solve the problem right now. It is incapable of solving any problems. Resentment doesn't even make you feel better. In fact, it makes you feel worse. It robs you of joy. It allow that person in your past to continue to hurt you now and that's dumb. Because they can't hurt you any more unless you allow them to by rehearsing the memory over and over. Resentment doesn't work. Bitterness doesn't work.

Heb 12:15-16

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

3. God expects you to do it.

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matt 6:14-15

            I don't know how to make it any clearer than the way Jesus said it right there. Forgiveness is a two way street. Do not burn the bridge that you've got to walk across to get into heaven. Jesus says we cannot receive what we're unwilling to give.

            You say, "I could never forgive that person" then I hope you never sin. Because you're going to need forgiveness to get into heaven. "I just don't feel like doing it." Do it anyway. Because it's the right thing to do. The fact is you're going to be hurt in life. That's an established fact.

·         The only question is, What are you going to do with those hurts? If you hold on to that hurt and let it build in your life, you will end up being a gnarled, shriveled up, bitter, hateful person. Your heart is going to grow hard and you're going to die bitter and lonely. Cause nobody wants to be around a bitter person.

            Something else happens. It's an amazing thing that bitterness does to us. If you don't release that person through forgiveness, if you don't release them, you're going to start to resemble them. Because that's what bitterness does to you. "I'm never going to be like ...." and you fill in the blank "my dad, my mother, my brother, my sister, my ex spouse. "I'm never going to be like...." and who are you focusing on the whole time you say that? …               You've got to let it go for your own sake.

            You say, "But you don't understand. I could never forgive that person. I could never do that. You don't know how much they've hurt me." I don't know that.

God does. "I could never forgive that person." That's why you need Jesus. You can't manufacture enough love in your life to handle all the ways you're going to be hurt. You are going to be hurt in life and you don't have enough love to overpower that on your own. You need Jesus Christ. And you need His love in your life or you're going to die a bitter person. You need Him to fill you with love, not every year, but every moment of the day. The reason why some of you have a hard time forgiving, is because you don't feel forgiven. Let's

start with a prayer today.

Prayer:

I want to pray a prayer for forgiveness and I'd like you to follow me. It’s a prayer that can change your life. Some of you say, "I've forgiven that person in the past. Why do I still hurt?" You've got to keep forgiving them until the pain goes away. Would you pray this prayer in your heart?

"Dear Jesus Christ, You know I've been hurt by others. You know that my resentment has made me act in ways that have been unreasonable and unhelpful and unhealthy. I need Your power to release and forgive those who've hurt me so I can stop letting them control me. Would You please replace my hurt with the peace of Jesus Christ?

God, I realize that I've hurt a lot of other people with my habits and my bad decisions and my hang-ups. Would You please forgive me for the way I've hurt others?

Help me to make a list of those I've harmed and in the right way at the right time to humbly seek to make amends.

Jesus t, I want to refocus my life on You. I want to face the future courageously with love and peace in my heart. Would You replace my resentment with Your love and replace my love with Your peace, my bitterness with Your grace? Thank You for Your graciousness to me. Thank You for forgiving me for the things that I've done wrong. In Jesus Name Amen

WHEN GOD SAYS NO

WHEN GOD SAYS NO

What To Do When…

The Reading of The Word

Psalm 43

Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people, from the deceitful and unjust man deliver me! For you are the God in whom I take refuge; why have you rejected me? Why do I go about mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Let’s Pray

Father, This morning it is into the very heart of your guidance and ways that we will venture into as we learn to surrender to your sovereign ways in us. Give our hearts the vision of your love and majesty. Stir within us the desire to love you through submission. Submission of our plans and goals to the eternal plans and goals of the advancement of your kingdom. Bring us the desire to pray uphanded with everything we think we possess. And speak your convicting word to us now, in Jesus Name Amen

Warm up

You may be seated.  If you need a bible please raise your hand and we’ll get one to you. I have some notes for you to use if you want to follow along.

Introduction

In this short Psalm,verse 1 shows us the situation of the psalmist life. And then we see the situation of the psalmist heart. He feels as if God has abandoned him. Yet later in the prayer he stirs his desire for God and declares that God is his exceeding  joy. This is what we talked about last week in understanding what it means for God to be our hearts desire that we most glorify him when we are satisfied in him. We even see the psalmist preaching and encouraging himself, “why so downcast soul, put your hope in God!” There are time when we need to encourage ourselves in that be speech or song.

This title of today’s message is When God says no. Some of the most confusing times in the Christian life is when we pray what is seemingly the will of God and God answers in the word NO. Why do some people get miracles and others don’t. Why do some people pray for sick people and they get well and  other people pray for sick people and they die? Why do some people pray for children and get them and others who pray for children and don’t get them. Why do some people pray for a relief of pain and get instant satisfaction

while others pray for relief of pain and have to live with it for the rest of their lives.

Why is it that I’ve prayed for god to heal me of  my mild form cerebral palsy, yet he still says for this time “no”

I think it

We Misunderstand Prayer:

Like a genie  bottle rub three times and God says your wish is my command. But that reverse roles. Makes God our servant.

First Aid kit. Last Resort “All we can do is pray.  As if it’s totally hopeless now and when we say this its now a dead issue.

Tug of War: Have to convince God make our sales pitch and then get the request.

The Bible says God wants to answer our prayers.

“Call to me and I will answer you…”            Jer. 33:3

20 in the New Testament told to ask.

God wants to answer our prayers.

But honestly  It seems as if God isn’t even listening. The gates of heaven are shut and closed to only your requests.

What’s the problem.

When we read: Ask any thing in prayer, what so ever you believe in faith you will have, ask anything in my name and I will do it.

Doesn’t that sound like an open check- unlimited credit line.

So is God just teasing us?  Why are those verses their… false advertising.

The fact is God answers pray, but not in the way we always want him to.

God has not promised that he would answer your prayers an old way you want Him to.

3 WAYS  GOD ANSWERS PRAYER

               Sometimes God says yes! We like this way!

               Sometimes God says not yet! Wait, and we don’t know when.  A delay is  not a denial!

                           No and not yet are not the same thing. God does want to give to us we just have to wait

               Sometimes God says no! This is the most difficult

                           Bible examples

                           Moses- promise land… God said no

                           Abraham- bless Ishmael… God said no

                           David- Bathesheba’s baby… God said no

   If He can say no to Moses, Abraham and David- chances are he’s going to say no to us once in a while.

The problem is:

If God is loving—and he is

If God is all powerful—and he is.

Then why does He say no to my seemingly good request.

WHY DOES GOD SOMETIMES SAY “NO”?

1.     BECAUSE HE HAS ___A Bigger Perspective______________

God has a bigger view of our life. 

First he sees the future

And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Heb 4:13

One of the problems of our prayers is that we can’t see the possible result of God answering them.  It may be the worst thing that could happen in our lives.

If we could see life the way God sees it we would have no troubles. We’d anticipate every corner turn of trouble,  problems and events. We’d know how to pray and when to pray.

The truth is - We’re human, we can’t see the consequences down the road sometimes.

We’re limited in our perspective, so what we need when we pray is God’s perspective.

Parents- ever say no to your kids. Why- to protect them

Ex- Driving a car 12 year old.

You have a bigger perspective.

Now imagine the perspective our heavenly Father has in our life.

Because he could see the danger ahead of us he says No.

College students I know that at this point in life, you are feeling invulnerable, that nothing will stop yo and your sheer will conquers everything you put your mind to… Your bullet proof.

But God says no your not. You don’t see where the next bullets from but I do.

He sees the long term effects.  We can drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out why God said no, chances are we won’t know. Be cause he has the bigger perspective, we have Trust Him in the times it doesn’t make sense.

One reason is found in Scripture:

 (God is )guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints.                                                      Prov 2:8

Sometimes God says no to protect you from unforeseen problems.

The Bible is filed with Examples of this.

·         Daniel and Lion Den. Do you think one of his prayers to God was not to be thrown in? God said no. Daniel was put in the lions den and the lions mouth was shut.  Actually the safest place for Daniel to be was in the den at the time.

·         Same book three guys thrown into a fiery furnace.  They prayed not to be but they went through it and in the furnace the ropes they were bond with fell off. God had a bigger perspective.

·         Paul wanted to go to Rome to preach. He had his idea. Of evangelizing the most influential city in that day. But that’s not what happened …There are times that we presume on God that “well of course he wants us to evangelize” Yet God at times doesn’t open a door and says yes to everything we think he wants us to do.. ‘Well of course he wants me to get married.     Our presumption are often full of good intentions… for ourselves instead of consideration of what glorifies God the most.

Bound with chains as a prisoner of the Roman Empire, he was put in a cell left to rot. While he was there, he wrote some letters. While Paul wanted to reach thousands in Rome, God had a bigger perspective to have him reach billions through those letters that are now a part of the New Testament Scriptures!

2.     BECAUSE HE HAS___A Better Plan_____________________

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.                       Isa 55:8-9

God’s plan is very different than our plan.  No ones live here has turned out exactly the way you planned.

Circle the Words WAYS  plural.

God has many ways to work in your life.  Many alternatives. God is not forced to answer your pray in simply one.

It’s not just yes or no with God, But “Which of the thousands of options should I use to answer your prayer.

He has a better plan

Example: Your going into financial difficulty  Going into Debt. You pray God help me to get out of debt.

God can answer that prayer in numerous different ways.

1.     He could give you a miracle of money in your mail box

2.     He could raise your income

3.     Could give you a higher paying job

4.     Could lower your expenses

5.     Could make what you have last longer

6.     Teach you to be a better money manager

Many ways to get you out of debts.  He might give you a combination of ways, from a miracle to common sense practice.

But the problem is when we pray, we tell God not only what we want, but when we want it, how we want it, what way we want it wrapped and in what manner. God says wait a minute. I’ve got a better idea.

We arrogantly think that we know  what is best because we think we’re God. we’re not God! You’re not God?

When we pray we want it in the quickest and easiest way.  Never do we here,” Lord answer my prayer and take the toughest and longest road possible.”

God is not interested in speed or convenience- He’s interested in what is best for His glory and what is best for you as he molds you to reflect that glory to Himself.  He’s interested in your character. You take your character into eternity.  God is not here to give you your every wish and command. You’d  be a spoiled brat. If you got everything you wanted anyway you wanted. You’s be selfish

God says I have a better plan, a better idea.

Turn to Hebrews 11: 39-40

And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised, since God had provided something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect. Heb 11:39-40

Examples in my life.

WSU Second year, finances Denied a loan God said no.

Later that year, an opportunity to build a youth center in Moline Ill. A church interested in a youth outreach Never heard from after immediate interest- God said no.

I’ve got a bigger plan.  CFNI- yes answers in prayer it was an exercise of faith. 1^st semester had just enough money for one semester.   God provided that whole time.

Came back to La Crosse There was a time I didn’t get a job I wanted. God dsaid no why not God? I didn’t understand it at the time.

But God had a bigger plan.

I stayed on with Service Master, went back to school to get my bachelors degree. In that time, I realized my heart was for adults and not just youth like it once was. I also learned my heart was for the church.

I was transferred up to Winona Watlow, and it was there,  I heard of a small church looking for a pastor.

God had a bigger plan in my life.

The bigger plan was to minister  for a season in a struggling church, to give them the care and to share the hope in Christ.

{preach} Some of us make plans, and then ask God to bless it. Stop It.  See where God is working and then join Him. That starts with a heart to pray and obey.  As a churh one of our values is to be reliant on God through prayer.  We need to be still in prayer time for a long time and hear His voice and see where he is leading and like mature disciples, follow Him.

To glorify God  we have to ask God what do you want to do to show your glory to this community?  We put aside our plans and ask you to tell us what to do. And we’ll know you bless us.

God has a better idea than we do

3.     BECAUSE HE HAS____a _ greater purpose______________________

The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble.              Prov 16:4

God has a purpose in everything even unanswered prayers.

God is not obligated to explain all of his purposes to you. He doesn’t owe you an explanation because he’s God.

He doesn’t need our approval or needs to check in with us and see if it’s ok.

You are a part of His purposes, not the other way a round.

We need to get that straight.  We don’t just include God in our lives on a side note. He is to be our life@.

God wants us to focus on character that honors Him, while we want to focus on comfort

God wants us to have an eternal perspective, a kingdom , while we want  temporary pleasures.

What is God’s purpose in your problems?

so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ     1 Peter 1:7

He wants to test your faith.

In delayed answers he says, “Will you still trust me?”

When he says no he says “Will you still trust me.?”

Ex Parents say to child Because I said so. Parent is saying you need to trust me now that I know better. I love you but I’m wiser.

As imperfect parents we say that, certainly as our Perfect Father,  We should trust God.

You might be discouraged this morning with a prayer request that has gone unanswered.

The key to battling discouragement in times like these is to look past the problem to ask, what is God’s purpose in all of this?

So we do not lose heart… For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 2 Cor 4:16-18

Did you know  that God allows you to go through the pain in your life for the benefit of other people? Sometimes  God says no to what your going through so that at a later time in your life, you can be a blessing to others.

What painful event have you gone through, where God had taught you to trust in Him on a deeper level. That now your experience can help others.

A miscarriage, parenting woes, maybe a divorce or something that happened 38 years ago, that you’ve never shared publicly before.  Maybe it was turbulent time in your marriage and how you got through.

What pain have you gone through that today, you might turn that around and say, Lord I want to  help others in that situation.

God had a greater purpose when he allowed the cup of going to the cross remain Jesus burden.  He had a greater purpose. It was for His wrath  to be satisfied our sins to be forgive for salvation from the consequence of our sins to be a gift so that God would be most glorified in the universe seeing his Grace and mercy on deserving sinners. On Friday I explained to a young 21 year old who works in my department  that baptism doesn’t save you from hell, what condemns us to hell is our sin. And he said in his very colorful language  “oh well then I’m “done for” and I said we all are, except for the gift of grace extended to sinners to be forgiven, justified and born again, all by  God’s glorious work on the cross. Amen?

If you want less stress in your life and have more peace you are going to have to come to grips with two truths.

1.     Something I’m never going to understand

   You need to except that

Deut29:29 "The secret things belong to the Lord our God,

there are something God has kept secret

   God doesn’t owe me an explanation

2.     Something are never going to change no matter how much you pray.

   Let’s be honest.

   Something will not change because God’s got a bigger perspective- trying to protect you from something.

   Better plan- the stories not over,

   Greater purpose- he’ll give you the power to handle it and it will give him the most glory

 What do you do…  give up praying?

No. Because you don’t know if it’s a delay or a no.

You keep praying daily for it but you include in your pray- Lord even if you don’t answer this prayer, I’m going to trust you anyway. I will still love you. Because you have a greater purpose.

You surrender, you submit.

That God has greater perspective, a better plan and a bigger purpose in your life. Even when he says no.

Ever notice that Children have a tough time with e word No

Tell a toddler no they throw a temper tantrum.

Do you ever do that with God?

One of the marks of maturity as you grow up is to realize that no is a legitimate  answer.

 You’re ability to  accept no  will show your spiritual maturity.

WHAT TO DO WHEN GOD SAYS “NO”

1.     TRUST EVERYTHING GOD DOES IS __Motivated by love________

 All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.                                                                                                                                Ps 25:10

Circle all

As a child he acts in loving ways

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose                                                                                               Rom 8:28

This is a promise to only those who love Him.

What happens is that Satan comes in with doubts. He says “See God doesn’t love you it doesn’t pay to serve God. You should quit. Quit church, Christianity and this whole idea of loving God.”

Satan is a liar truth is that God loves you too much to give you everything you ask for.

No loving parent would ever give everything that child asks for… it would ruin them

God knows what is just right for you. When God says no, he’s doing it out of love.

2.     EXPECT GOD TO GIVE ME THE___ Grace to handle the answer_____________

Grace is the power to handle the pain. To handle the pain when God says no.

Grace is the power  to do the right thing even when I don’t feel like it.

Even Paul…

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

                                                                                                                           2 Cor. 12:7-9 (NIV)

for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.                                                                                                                                                                       Phil 2:13

When God says no we have to trust he has a bigger perspective, a better plan and a greater purpose in our lives

Read Fanny Crosby’s poem from  Trusting God book

What have you prayed for and God hasn’t given it to you.

Will you live for God in spite of it… even if you don’t get it.

 Would you trust Him knowing today’s truths in

Psalm 9:10  Those who know the Lord will trust the Lord.

If you don’t trust God when he answers no, then you don’t know him.

The more you know God, the more you’ll trust him.

Almighty God you are a big God you see further, you plan better you, have great purpose for your kingdom and ultimately for your glory. My we praise you when you say know, may we praise you with the yes. May we remember the lesson of Job, That you give and that you take away, regardless of your no and yes to our requests, may we bless your name”

Suffering Servant: Saving Sinners Forgiving Sin

Suffering Servant: Saving Sinners Forgiving Sin

Reading of the Word of God

John 13:3-11

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, 4 rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. 5 Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. 6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, do you wash my feet?" 7  Jesus answered him, "What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand."  8  Peter said to him, "You shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no share with me."  9 Simon Peter said to him, "Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!" 10 Jesus said to him, "The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you."  11  For he knew who was to betray him; that was why he said, "Not all of you are clean."

Prayer
Father in our short time tonight, would you do a deep work in our lives. Ignite your word not through what I have to say but through what your Spirit will say to us. May it minister deep in our souls to every need that we know and don’t know. In Christ name amen.

Warm Up

A number of years ago the British author C.S. Lewis wrote a book he entitled Miracles. In the chapter called "The Grand Miracle," Lewis, described the incarnation of Christ: "In the Christian story God descends to re-ascend. He comes down; down from the heights of absolute being into time and space, down into humanity ... down to the very roots and sea-bed of the Nature He has created.

 "But He goes down to come up again and bring the ruined world up with Him. One has the picture of a strong man stooping lower and lower to get himself underneath some great complicated burden. He must stoop in order to lift, he must almost disappear under the load before he incredibly straightens his back and marches off with the whole mass swaying on his shoulders.”

When the Son of God came he stooped very low. He humbled himself. In todays passage we see the symbolism of his humility. We see him stoop and wash the feet of the disciples. Interestingly  this task wasn’t just for any servant-Some Jews insisted that this task should be reserved for the  lowliest of menial servants- namely- Gentile(non Jewish) slaves. 

·          This scene is a microcosm of the full meaning and reason why Jesus came to earth.

Jesus stooped. He lowered himself to do something no one else could. That is…To handle the complicated burden of our sin .And to bear the weight of its punishment.

Transition:

Now what I want us to focus on our time is not the foot washing itself and the meaning and symbolism of that because that is the common  message in this scene. What I want to focus on for a very short time tonight is the dialogue between Jesus and Peter

It’s a simple dialogue of two protests (of non other than Peter) and then an analogy from Jesus

Look with me. v 6

First Protest: Peter Misunderstood Jesus

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, Lord, do you wash my feet?”  Jesus answered him “What I am doing you do not understand now but afterward you will understand.”

PICTURE:

Through all Jewish and Greco Roman sources there is never an instance of  a superior washing the feet of an inferior. We understand culturally why Peter exclaimed  do YOU wash MY feet.

·         The disciples were embarrassed to the point where they had an ackward silence. For Peter, well he had to object. While it was well motivated, he and the other disciples still couldn’t grasp the true course that Jesus was taking.

·         They saw him Messiah!  Here to establish a physical kingdom and rescue from all present authorities. And they were going to have rank and status to the point that just minutes earlier they were arguing about how that rank and file was going to go.

POINT: 

Peter knew Jesus was the superior to all of them.  It’s an indignant  do you- Mighty messiah and miracle worker- wash myfeet- me a  mere fisher men. Well motivated But totally ignorant of the prophecies of the  Suffering Servant. Peter protested out of ignorance

Behold my servant shall act wisely; he shall be high and lifted up, and shall be exalted. As many were astonished at you- his appearance was so marred, beyond human, semblance and his form beyond that of the children of mankind---  

Isaiah 52:13,14

He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;…

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows…

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth;…

Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him; he has put him to grief…

Yet he bore the sin of many and made intercession for the transgressors…

Is 53:3,5,7,10,12

PREACH:

·         Jesus knew that  Peter could not understand  how the Man he esteemed and exalted  came to be a servant. 

·         Jesus knew  that the disciples could not understand how the Man they worshipped was to fulfill these prophecies by experiencing suffering.  And thereby truly establishing the rescue and salvation of his people chosen from all over the earth regardless of rank, race and generation.

POINT:

Jesus said they will understand later- not about the footwashing but what the foot washing pointed to—it pointed to the cross. It pointed to his humiliation and suffering and death. .

 In other words Peter you will understand the symbolism of this moment later. You will understand what we are talking about “after all these things” happen and my Spirit is enlightening you to truth and understanding.

PRACTICAL: KEEP IN MIND

• THAT JESUS TELLS YOU THE SAME THING

As the saying goes hind site is 20/20. As followers of Christ we have a better understanding than Peter did at that moment. 

Yet when we are going through the darkness, through the tunnels, through the pain, through the misunderstanding…           we at times only have the same promise that we are to hold onto by faith  Sometimes it is Jesus telling us- “You don’t understand but you will after all these things. Submit by faith to what I am doing and my future grace for you will be in it!”

But just as Peter misunderstood Jesus he also…
Second Protest: Peter Misunderstood The Washing

Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me

Even when Jesus expects him to submit to the washing by faith, Peter still isn’t thinking about later, he’s talking about now
PICTURE:

But he is still not thinking anything higher than what is socially fitting.  Peter’s response is strong. NEVER!! “Never as long as long as the earth stands. You Jesus will not serve me.”

Oh Peter- yes he will

POINT:

Peter missed the fact that the full work of Jesus as Redeemer is done not with brute force and strength. It is done with a servants heart and life!

·        He missed the prophets prediction of the Suffering Servant. But he also missed the proclamations Jesus himself.

Look at  What Jesus himself said.

But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.  It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”                                                                                                Matt 20:25-28

PREACH:

·        Jesus came to serve. How-  by giving his life as a ransom

·        What’s a ransom? A ransom was originally the price paid for the release of a slave. Jesus, then, is saying that he came into this world to give his life—that is, himself--  in exchange for many. He came to pay the price of sin. What’s the price of sin? Death

·        For the wages of sin is death…                          Romans 6:23a

·        The punishment of sin is death- death how? – through divine wrath that is  bringing justified punishment. The bible says all people are children of this wrath- we deserved it because we sin before a holy God and can never be good enough to overcome what we deserve on our own.

·        So Christ exchanged that. He paid our debt that is how he is our Substitute and How he Served His people. He served to redeem his people!

So Jesus answers Peter

If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.

·         If this conversation was really about cleaning stinky feet- Jesus would be rather overbearing here with this statement.

·         We get the privilege to understand this conversation in light of the rest of Scripture to know that he is talking spiritually here. He’s is using analogy to make a  higher point of spiritual truth.

PREACH

·         Bottomline- Jesus is saying I save you from this- or else you are not mine. I do it! I pay the price. I endure the cross on earth and the divine wrath of God through it. I save  you by serving you and suffering for you otherwise, Peter you are like Judas…THAT IS YOU WILL NOT BE MINE.

PRACTICAL:KEEP IN MIND

·         YOUR REDEMPTION ISN’T ABOUT YOU.  If God is not credited… worshipped… exalted… and glorified as not only the author of this grand Rescue plan but also the only one who could execute it to perfection literally. Than our worship is in vain. Because we are going to think it’s all about me!  These things happened in order to bring glory to God as He redeems his people. We are a part of His Story  not the other way around! He invites us into his story not the other way around. WE NEED TO GET THIS IN ORDER FOR OUR WORSHIP TO BE MEANINGFUL

Jesus even continues after Peter’s quick over zealous change in tone here where he says:

“Simon Peter said to him, “Lord not my feet only but also my hands and my head!”

Give Peter credit- he goes hard one way and hard the other.  He wants this share of inheritance –what ever it is that Jesus is referring to. He’s passionate to be linked in the blessing of Jesus.

But again misses the point  Stick with Jesus analogy…he is talking on a different level now- he’s talking spiritually

The Analogy of Jesus: Bathing Sinners, Washing Sin

 Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except his feet, but is completely clean.

This is an unmistakable analogy.

POINT:

Bathing...Peter took an appropriate bath before he came. It was customary to bath before you started the Passover celebration.

He was basically clean, he didn't need his head and his hands, he didn't need to be literally doused. He had just accumulated dirt on his feet.

PICTURE

·         Bathing illustrates one kind of washing, one kind of forgiveness. It is the judicial forgiveness of a judge that takes the penalty of sin away. As a result your standing before God is- not just “not guilty”.  But  in Christ you are “righteous” The word for this Justification. Justification is the great Exchange.

I want you to hear a great preacher of our time give for you the definition of Justification and what that means for us..

MATT CHANDLER NAILS IT

PREACH

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace                                                 Ephesians 1:7

Look how he handles  those who trust His grace.                     

He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.                   Ps 103:10–12

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1

POINT:

So here in this analogy we see that when Jesus says he baths us… he’s saying he saves us.

But there is one more little phrase we need to understand in this analogy of Jesus. Jesus says

“The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except his feet,

• Jesus says those who are bathed need to wash just there feet. What does that mean?

POINT

• It means the once for all purchase of God’s forgiveness in your life needs a daily application

We are not to presume on God’s grace and therefore return to a habitual lifestyle of sinning. Rather we are to understand the daily confession of sins in terms of the Father’s forgiveness and fellowship. It is hard for us to at times to grasp that because perhaps our earthy fathers were a poor example of forgiveness and fellowship.  Yet that is what we are to do.

It is a matter of your growing in Christ and you need to be continually washed from the presence of sin and the power of sin. You don't need to be justified again, you just need to be being sanctified. And it is in that fatherly sense, it is in that sanctifying sense that Jesus tells us...Say to the Father...Father, forgive us our sins.

The Christian life is described as a walk… we walk by faith. With that imagery you can understand what Jesus said here--- He is forgiving sin. We are not totally free from the influence of sin in this world. Its presence is still all around us. So for us the promise of 1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

is a statement of fact and trusting promise because of Jesus- Not because we are confessing and doing our part! We put our faith in him not our penance! And we walk with clean feet until we notice again the dirt in our lives and stop and wash again in the preaching of the gospel to ourselves and increase our worship of Him accordingly!

PRACTICAL: KEEP IN MIND

• YOU ARE BOTH JUST AND SINNER AT THE SAME TIME. That means we rest in the verdict of our Righteous Judge who declares us forgiven and righteous in Christ. No condemnation Rest in that worship him because of that celebrate the Lord’s Supper because of that.  It also means the we seek forgiveness of our Heavenly Father  to enjoy greater fellowship with him. And as he reveals sin to you, you see how much bigger the Cross gets as you lean heavier and heavier on it. And through it God makes you more like Jesus.

Let’s peek at the last bit of what Jesus said here then we are done:

And you are clean but not every one of you.” For he know who was going to betray him; that was why he said, “Not all of you are clean.”

• Of course this is about Judas. Judas so near the Savior but not one of his own. He was washed physically by Christ but not cleansed spiritually  by Christ. Judas was sooooo close. Near the Gospel yet never embraced the good news.

POINT:

There are some in here, where you have been close to the gospel but have never trusted in what Christ has done by turning away from your sin and turning toward Christ. Sin has separated you for too long and you know it. Today, God is saying, is the day of salvation- today is the day of redemption. Put your faith in Christ’s work on the cross- ALONE.Turn to Jeus repent of your sin and he will save you.

Let’s pray